There are certain things you can't say to another man, no matter how true they might be; 'I put my trust in you' is technically accurate, but not strong enough, but 'I am wholly relying on you' is too much. Too far, and before you know it you've crossed the line from camaraderie to something else, familiar yet unwelcome.
There's something that makes Owen wish he could express the sentiment, though. Curt is hasty, and he's so self-important- it's really too much. The two of them play off each other in such a ridiculous way.
Curt is too boorish for most charm missions to play out any way other than Owen having to dive in and pull his ass out of the fire before he inevitably makes some blunder that gets him killed (or worse, breaks his cover; he's only spoken to Cynthia very occasionally, but Curt has implied that she is not a forgiving woman).
Yet Owen comes to look forward to these missions. They become the highlight of his career quickly. It's not that he's such a good spy that he savors the excitement of a mistake- he is a good spy, an extremely good spy, but that's not it- rather, the highlight comes from the spontaneity that Curt's very presence provides. There is a certain joie de vivre that Owen isn't lacking except when in comparison to Curt. Curt is passionate, and kind of an idiot.
Their first impressions could have been better, Owen thinks. There's a way things could have gone where Owen didn't decide to show off. But the look in Curt's eyes when he had to reset his nose- well, he's likely imagining things, he always is with men. Which is why it's safer to play it as a joke and tease him- it's easier to act as if you're amused by it all than to be genuine and run the risk of-
There was a time, once, when Owen wanted to tell his sister. She had come home all a-flutter after a date with her boyfriend, a young man named Thomas, a year older than her. According to her, she'd kissed him, out in the park- according to most girls in town, they'd kissed him out in the park. Owen knew Thomas, because they were in the same grade; Owen knew Thomas, because he'd gone through a phase just like his sister's. Owen wanted to tell his sister, not to ruin her chances with Thomas, but to save her from the embarrassment if the secret got out. Small towns are ruthless- he has no doubt that she would have been ruined by the gossip around town if word got out that her boyfriend was-
There was the time when Owen realized himself. He was so young, six or seven, when a boy he knew from school came over to play cards. The two of them were inseparable for about a week; that's how long friendships with Owen tended to last, because even back then boys could tell that there was something different about him, that he-
Owen doesn't tell anybody. Owen doesn't even tell himself.